“Are Those Extra Pounds Hurting Your Dating Life?” – My Big, Fat Rebuttal

Today’s emoticon: “Over It”

Articles like “Are Those Extra Pounds Hurting Your Dating Life?” really piss me off. Not because there’s no truth to the idea, but because they are ALWAYS directed towards women. This is an article currently posted on Essence.com. It details how the extra pounds that we (African-American women) tend to carry are further hurting our chances of finding love. Because the entire population of African-American men is comprised of Tyrese and Will Smith clones, right? I already know what you’re thinking? “She must be fat, which is why she’s decided to get on her Crisco covered soapbox.” By Hollywood standards…sure, I’m fat, but so is a size 5.  In real life, I go between a 10 or a 12 and I’ve been bouncing between these sizes since the beginning of friggin time.

The struggle I’ve had with my weight was more mental than anything else because the actual numbers didn’t change too much. I’m finally at a place where I’m confident in my size and although I’m trying to go down a few sizes, it has more to do with a health goal. I’m 5’1 and I believe that I should be a slightly lower weight for such a small stature. I’ll be more agile and finally able to stunt on those Russell Simmons’ carbon copies in my Bikram yoga class.  I’m looking to get down to a size 8; a goal that realistically, I’m not too far from.

Now that I’ve detailed my stats, let me move on to why this article angered me so. Anyone who knows me knows that this topic is sensitive for many women and I typically…alright, fine…I ALWAYS side with my sistas. The area in particular that really puzzled me was nestled within this quote right here: “There are very few successful fit Black women available. People talk about this high ratio of single Black men to women, but it is a myth. If you exclude fat women, it is 1 to 1.” This was a comment from a guy. A Black guy. Seriously, sir? First of all, you’re wrong. MOST of the successful Black women I know are gorgeous from head to toe, and boast slimmer waistlines. Aside from that, are we really adding to the monstrous pile of “another reason why professional Black women can’t catch a man.”  So on top of being too successful, emotionally unavailable, aggressive, too powerful, not needy enough…I’m also fat? If we really look at the issue critically, it has more to do with the pitiful state of the Black man than my love handles. (see: next post) Furthermore, all professional Black men are not Billy Blanks approved. Can I get a sugar-free amen? Since I should be watching my diet and all.

The media has also done a fabulous job of vividly portraying this ridiculous idea that wives and girlfriends should be waifs, while it’s perfectly acceptable for the boyfriend/husband to tote his big belly around as a badge of honor. Let me give you a few shows – Fresh Prince of Bel Air, King of Queens, The Honeymooners, According to Jim and Family Matters (yes, Harriet was a normal size, but Carl was still a porker). Anybody remember when a plump, post-pregnancy Tisha Campbell resumed her role on My Wife & Kids? Several episodes detailed her “weight-gain” because it absolutely had to be addressed in the storyline. Why? Was it really necessary to deter the storyline to fatsville? We all knew that she recently had a child, which accounted for the extra pounds.

Don’t even get me started on the stupid idea that Tyler Perry’s House of Payne promoted obesity because it featured an overweight couple. (Cassi Davis – “Ella” LaVan Davis – “Curtis”) I guarantee you that if Ella’s character was played by a small Black woman we wouldn’t have heard a peep from anyone, but because a plump Black woman is shown on TV all of a sudden we’re pedaling “fat-pops” on every hood corner? Stop it.

Pastors, I’m coming for you too. Standing in the pulpit preaching that same old tired sermon directed ONLY toward the women of the church. “Men are visual beings…he wants something nice to come home to.” True, but can you please plant that same seed in the ear of the men in the church who can barely button their shirts and can be heard breathing in the next room. All I’m saying is that this is not a one-sided subject. Stop…I repeat, STOP, treating the issue of weight like it’s a woman’s thing. Weight, just like whore and nurse are not gender specific terms. Never have been.

Just so you know, the size of the average woman is between sizes 10 – 14, and yes this excludes video models, actresses and anyone affiliated with the entertainment industry. Note: I am not advocating having a lack of concern for health. I’m slowly becoming a health nut. Being that our ethnicity suffers greatly from preventative diseases, we definitely need to clean up our diets and maintain a vigorous exercise regimen. But we also need to renew our minds…especially my generation. You know, us young, fly and flashy folks. We perform so well at being superficial we’d probably take home a gold medal at the Olympics. I know uplifting each other is so “1965,” but we ought to try it every once and while. Lastly, sistas are under enough pressure – like raising your children alone. Strike a nerve? Good.  *Drops mic, exits stage*

Til we read again,

~Kimberly

Read the Essence article here.

Advertisement